Start again Reprendre de nouveau

 

After a month of grief and mourning, change is occurring. The heaviness about the chest is lifting. Instances of thinking of times spent together and the reflexive reaching to call for advice are decreasing. Routines can be broken to avoid opening wounds anew. Deleting phone numbers and email addresses are easy first strategies, eliminating the urge to reach and communicate with he who is no longer with us will take longer.

Après un mois, je note des changements. La lourdeur au sternum est moindre. La fréquence d’essais de communiquer avec lui diminue avec la réalisation qu’il est vraiment décédé.

 The presence of friends and family has distracted me from dwelling in sadness, keeping me on a positive path.  Light is dawning.   The subconscious is recreating the world view with a mind to eliminate the physical friend and with a serious vested interest to protect me from all that could harm me. These next days will be more of a struggle as no one is visiting my cottage paradise. There will be more time alone.

À date, j’ai eu beaucoup de famille et amis autour de moi. Ce soir je suis seule à mon chalet pour la première fois. Le subconscient semble agir pour me convaincre que la perte est vraie et permanente et en même temps de me protéger et m’aider à évoluer.

Referring to the AMD’A  manual, it is time to pamper myself , to ensure there are enough hours slept , that nutrition is balanced and adequate. Time for me includes relaxation, warm baths in candlelight and swims in salt water not precluding teary meltdowns. To make me feel better added attention to clothes and grooming will be useful. Of course exercise can’t be avoided nor discounted. Rituals are grounding. So, incorporating these elements into the day such that they become mindless and routine will contribute to going forward, to being able to jump back into the mainstream. But for tonight, nothing is pushing me. Time really does heal all, it would seem.

Donc, j’adopte des rituels pour faire face aux moments difficiles. Je surveille les heures de sommeil, l’alimentation, l’exercice. Je m’offre des gâteries et j’essaie d’être patiente avec moi-même. Voyez-vous, ce décès d’un si proche, est le premier depuis ma grand-mère en 1972. Je reconnais l’importance de laisser le temps guérir et nourrir.  Pour ce soir, rien ne me pousse à devancer les étapes. Je vais me laisser emporter par le sommeil.

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